Growing up as a gay teenager at a time when most gay teenagers remained in the closet out of justifiable fear, I saw quite a bit of what gay bullying could do. I belonged to the BAGLY (the Boston Alliance of Gay and Lesbian Youth) and met a small group of young out kids like myself. Many were in foster homes or living on the streets, victims of abuse and neglect, or like my first boyfriend, disowned by their very own families. It was a motley crew of hard luck stories. Life was like that for many out gay youth back then. My friends from BAGLY were some extreme cases. I'll admit that. Some hustled to get by and some slept wherever they could find a place regardless of the intentions of the person giving them shelter. Some stole to get by, some drank too much and many did drugs. Most of them also had one thing in common: they were bullied.
I was a very lucky out gay youth. I considered myself fortunate to never be bullied in high school, on the streets, in college. However, I saw many people get bullied in each of those environments and while I felt a serious sense of relief for dodging the bullet of hatred myself, it came at the cost of shame and regret for not standing up for them. These brave souls, many good friends of mine, dared to be themselves, something we all take for granted and they got serious grief. Most of the grief came in the form of nasty hate-filled comments, the occasional push and shove. some even got beaten up and bashed.
I deeply loved my friends in BAGLY. We were kind of a messed up family but a family nonetheless and we knew that part of life in our world was the very real threat of bullying each and every day. We accepted it as the norm and though my bullied friends never outwardly expressed it to the others, it hurt them to the core. While none successfully ended their own lives, many of my buddies had contemplated it at times and a few even attempted it.
The sense of the fragility of life was something we experienced firsthand even beyond the daily threat of bullying. I lost a number of BAGLY friends to AIDS so I know that sense of loss and while we had this major threat of HIV to contend with and many did not make it, I think we held up one another's self-esteem and were there to provide some sort of a support system along with the mentors at BAGLY. We had each other too turn to. So many gay youth in so many places are not so lucky. They feel isolated, alone and are really hurting.
There are so many new ways to bully now. With each technological advance comes myriad ways to exploit these kids. Internet, camera phones, social networking sites, etc. It's bothersome that while there are so many ways to bully and reach countless others to participate in the bullying, there are so few ways to protect these kids and reach them. I think schools and parents need to take the initiative here and organizations like the Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/)and the Anti-Violence Project (http://www.avp.org/) are certainly a huge step in the right direction and deserve our support.
The bottom line here is one live lost to bullying is one life too many! Every human being deserves respect and dignity. Having been there myself struggling as a gay youth, I know how terrifying it can be in and of itself without the added pressures of being bullied. These kids deserve our attention and protection. They are our future leaders, artists, friends, families. They are our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, part of our one big community! They are us!
I am an out and proud gay man but my journey to this place of contentment was not easy. I think we all got some help along the way and we owe it to one another to provide care and comfort for everyone in our community. The tragedies that have occurred as a result of bullying should steel our resolve to reach out and be out. Be open and proud of who you are, let people in your life know it. Our visibility goes a long way in changing attitudes and behavior.
Encourage differences in people and be supportive. We are all in this together. And to my straight friends reading this, let your families and friends know that bullying is wrong and unacceptable. Join me in vowing to stand up to it and do anything we can to stop it.
Just as I was about to finish this blog entry I read of yet another instance of anti-gay violence in New York against two teenage boys and another gay man. Despicable acts of violence were committed against these three individuals over the course of several hours. This is infuriating! Our society is obviously fostering this environment of hatred. Religious leaders and politicians spout their anti-gay rhetoric and influence the masses with the impression that it is okay to hate. Well, guess what? It is not okay! It is beyond criminal! The blood of these innocent victims is on your hands and on the hands of mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and friends who teach each other that anti-gay hate is acceptable. Hateful thoughts lead to hateful words and acts. We have seen what happens when hatred goes unchecked and is allowed to breed throughout our world. People suffer, people die. It is unacceptable!
Be nurturing and protective of our youth, be proud of who you are and be outraged by hatred!
© 2010 Paul Caracciolo. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.
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